Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
