I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
