i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Dicks are not precious.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
