I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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