thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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