Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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