so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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