first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
