I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
