Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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