and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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