Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
