I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
