Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
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