I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Randomize
