apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
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