He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
