You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
