Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
