Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Randomize
