I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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