Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
