ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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