i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
