I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
