I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
