there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
