how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
FUCK WHALES
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
