Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
