there was a trapeze. enough said
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Randomize
