mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
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