Christians are straight up FREAKS
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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