Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Randomize
