I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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