I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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