he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
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