If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
