Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
