It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Randomize
