YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
