# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
