i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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