If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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