i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
