you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
