I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
