No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
How external is "for external use only"?
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
