I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
