Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Randomize
