yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
